tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-179784222008-10-03T13:56:29.626-07:00<b>All words, no pictures. (Sorry.)</b>Brian Sorgatzhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02243503053154933975brian423@gmail.comBlogger284125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-17978422.post-82591750832306229392008-10-03T13:53:00.001-07:002008-10-03T13:54:36.124-07:00

If you’re a heterosexual man and you don’t know how to admire small breasts, you need to get a clue already, you ungrateful philistine. In aesthetic terms, those stacks of fatty tissue are essentially jewel cases for the nipples, anyway. Why not build a repertoire of variety of taste? Pretty adjectives like dainty, svelte, and lithe were made to describe beauty like Bai Ling’s as caught by

Brian Sorgatzhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02243503053154933975brian423@gmail.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-17978422.post-84249475891108183172008-10-01T16:39:00.001-07:002008-10-01T16:40:54.169-07:00

In my case, the stereotype about us porn addicts is 180 degrees off. It’s not women but men that I hate. It might not matter at all, except that my scorn of the company of men arguably keeps me from happiness as a man. It’s a lovely coincidence that a movie called Humboldt County about the wish to change one’s life is in wide release just when I’m struggling to build a new life here in Humboldt

Brian Sorgatzhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02243503053154933975brian423@gmail.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-17978422.post-21740572071911623392008-09-22T16:37:00.001-07:002008-09-22T16:38:40.360-07:00

:esrever ni ,civoknaY “lA drieW” yb htob “,esidaraP hsimA” dna “tI taE” tneserp I ,erusaelp gniweiv dedrater yllaicos ruoy roF

Brian Sorgatzhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02243503053154933975brian423@gmail.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-17978422.post-37179341213208715932008-09-16T17:01:00.002-07:002008-09-22T16:05:42.874-07:00

HELP WANTED in Performing Parental Revenge Magick I’m a 36-year-old man, and my blood pressure keeps rising from the traumatic memories of all the “Families aren’t democracies” garbage and the “Hire a teenager while they still know everything” garbage piled on me. As long as my dead father and living mother scream at me from their outposts in my besieged mind, telling me I don’t have what it

Brian Sorgatzhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02243503053154933975brian423@gmail.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-17978422.post-48178855668839557182008-09-09T18:05:00.002-07:002008-09-16T17:21:07.490-07:00

This post is the awkward sequel to “In Humboldt County, I’ll spread lies about my past; on the Internet, I’ll tell the truth.” Although I’ve sired many bad ideas in my time, I can honestly report that lying about my past in order to find a new place to live was Mom’s idea. My first prospective landlord caught us in the lie. My credit report happened to have my Sacramento address in it. After the

Brian Sorgatzhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02243503053154933975brian423@gmail.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-17978422.post-85164850296898622902008-09-05T16:34:00.001-07:002008-09-05T16:40:22.596-07:00

When I view my SiteMeter stats, I notice regular visitors to my blog from various places. I thank my loyal readers and beg their patience as I scramble to build a new life in a new community. For a while, my output on this blog will be low. Please hang in there and keep visiting.

Brian Sorgatzhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02243503053154933975brian423@gmail.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-17978422.post-8405470329502636832008-09-01T09:28:00.002-07:002008-09-01T10:47:08.933-07:00

I hate you guys today. I hate you, because I can’t help blaming you, my audience, for the guilt and stress of the constant sense of failure to meet expectations that I’ve been experiencing. Under normal circumstances, I’m a flaky procrastinator. Under the abnormal circumstance of preparing to move to the coast, I’m practically hopeless. What sort of grouch reads Playboy? Update, 10:47 a.m.:

Brian Sorgatzhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02243503053154933975brian423@gmail.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-17978422.post-51267240917308019902008-08-25T11:15:00.001-07:002008-08-25T11:16:36.625-07:00

It is what it is. What else can I tell you? Fuck it.

Brian Sorgatzhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02243503053154933975brian423@gmail.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-17978422.post-75124388414462108242008-08-24T13:59:00.000-07:002008-08-24T13:59:09.161-07:00

This is what I’ve just memoed to my Netflix friends: [FOUR STARS] Legally Blonde meets Revenge of the Nerds. Hugh Hefner gets a good deal of screen time—and he’s a totally decent actor. Anna Faris is superb!

Brian Sorgatzhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02243503053154933975brian423@gmail.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-17978422.post-69826999998461959682008-08-18T10:50:00.001-07:002008-08-18T10:52:51.656-07:00

Lately, some things have been sucking. Moving away from my past and towards the Pacific coast has proven more difficult than I thought. Meanwhile, I embarrass myself with daily failures of nerve: I keep failing to find the guts to give nearly as much of myself as I could to the self-study projects. Do the self-employed have the toughest bosses of all? If the work is not necessary to earn a living

Brian Sorgatzhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02243503053154933975brian423@gmail.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-17978422.post-81093737958856929242008-08-11T07:30:00.001-07:002008-08-11T07:32:04.831-07:00

Do you procrastinate? I do, to an embarrassing degree. Three weeks ago, I “officially” took Spanish-language cinema off my list of studies as I announced I was about to watch Y tu mamá también, my last item of that category. I still haven’t watched the whole thing. Just this past week, I have had a better excuse than usual for that kind of delay. Wednesday through Friday, I was busy looking for

Brian Sorgatzhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02243503053154933975brian423@gmail.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-17978422.post-59843431195125714652008-08-06T05:37:00.003-07:002008-09-09T17:55:20.967-07:00

By necessity, I’ll be treating the past ten years of my life, my first ten years as a solitary apartment renter, as if they never happened while I search for a new apartment in a new community. In ten years, I’ve been kicked out of two residences for neglecting and abusing my own dwelling space. My mother and I agree on the need to cover up that history by claiming that I’ve lived with her all

Brian Sorgatzhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02243503053154933975brian423@gmail.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-17978422.post-44399061763344861382008-08-04T10:55:00.001-07:002008-08-04T10:57:15.381-07:00

At 1:10 in this video of a Playboy Mansion party, the March 2008 Playmate shows her good judgment and good taste. I was there for that party. Click here for the embarrassing details of my encounter with Miss March. The hot brunette in the video embed freeze frame is mistress of ceremonies and Playboy model Adrianne Curry (February 2006 and January 2008)—technically not a Playmate, though not

Brian Sorgatzhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02243503053154933975brian423@gmail.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-17978422.post-55429357685872052982008-08-04T10:08:00.001-07:002008-08-04T10:10:28.856-07:00

Lately, the most exciting development in my ambition to learn stuff just for the sake of learning stuff has been my brushing up on the art of driving. It’s not a wonder that I’ve decided to commit to viewing the entire original series of Star Trek. Suddenly operating a motor vehicle again makes me feel warp-capable, as it were. I’m stumbling my way to a sense of skill in time management. “

Brian Sorgatzhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02243503053154933975brian423@gmail.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-17978422.post-22037976332689805272008-07-31T08:36:00.001-07:002008-07-31T08:37:30.817-07:00

My closest relatives live in Chico now, but I didn’t grow up there. My little sister discovered it on the family’s behalf when she was admitted to its California State University campus (NSFW: a highly rated party school, incidentally). “Families aren’t democracies,” said Daddie Dearest, may he rest in peace. If that’s true, I don’t see why the common boundaries of personal ownership apply

Brian Sorgatzhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02243503053154933975brian423@gmail.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-17978422.post-61475309100605171282008-07-28T09:50:00.001-07:002008-07-28T09:52:12.008-07:00

I hoped that my commitments to my study projects would bring a sense of adventure, and I haven’t been disappointed. On Saturday, I was almost suicidal with despair over my seeming inability to step up to the challenge. But yesterday, I found the courage to open up my day planner and browse it leisurely. The experience was just what I needed. By necessity, a person of my pleasure-seeking

Brian Sorgatzhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02243503053154933975brian423@gmail.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-17978422.post-79740280548671517872008-07-21T12:37:00.002-07:002008-07-29T08:26:10.527-07:00

I’m not the most self-disciplined guy in the world. But when I move gradually towards better study habits, I call it success. It has been a successful week. So far, Helen Gurley Brown’s 1962 classic Sex and the Single Girl has been easy for me to understand and appreciate as a man who reads Playboy. Three years after this book, Brown would take the reins of then-ailing Cosmopolitan magazine and

Brian Sorgatzhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02243503053154933975brian423@gmail.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-17978422.post-21403766249872860872008-07-20T17:59:00.001-07:002008-07-20T18:00:35.469-07:00

Do you wonder what I look like? Wonder no more. On June 12, I made it to the third annual benefit party for the Marijuana Policy Project at the Playboy Mansion in Los Angeles. From left to right, the Playmates in this photo are Katie Lohmann (April 2001), Marketa Janska (July 2003), Amanda Paige (October 2005), and Janine Habeck (September 2006). That time of year, the sun hadn’t gone down at

Brian Sorgatzhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02243503053154933975brian423@gmail.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-17978422.post-61554760982230809362008-07-14T10:09:00.001-07:002008-07-14T10:11:15.233-07:00

I take pride in letting this new blog ritual be nerdy and boring, if that’s how it comes out. Oscar Wilde said, “When the gods wish to punish us they answer our prayers.” Now that I’m lippy enough to call myself an autodidact, I have to find out how to be that. I’ve been mortified to learn how intimidated I am by the studies I’ve assigned myself. Because my spirit has rebelled against

Brian Sorgatzhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02243503053154933975brian423@gmail.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-17978422.post-5151014947637847822008-07-10T09:53:00.002-07:002008-07-12T08:33:46.248-07:00

Folks, if you don’t find it hilarious to shout “Plop!” at the end of this Tammy Wynette/Naomi Watts/Peter Jackson fan video by YouTuber Peter Warkentin, you have a heart of stone. (But I’m not totally unsentimental. I admit my eyes misted during WALL-E.)

Brian Sorgatzhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02243503053154933975brian423@gmail.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-17978422.post-85182625356349393202008-07-08T11:47:00.002-07:002008-07-08T11:48:44.829-07:00

I take logic, rhetoric, grammar, spelling, punctuation, and typography seriously as a writer, the way serious musicians make so much of the complexities of tonal harmony. There is no such thing as proofreading too slowly when I write this blog—or even a one-sentence email to a friend. It’s pride of craftsmanship, and I can’t help myself. Whether I italicize the word Playboy or not in any given

Brian Sorgatzhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02243503053154933975brian423@gmail.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-17978422.post-39144307167402894402008-07-04T08:43:00.001-07:002008-07-04T08:45:48.982-07:00

Benjamin Franklin, to name at least one. In 1745, he wrote this letter: To my dear Friend: I know of no Medicine fit to diminish the violent Natural Inclinations you mention; and if I did, I think I should not communicate it to you. Marriage is the proper remedy. It is the most natural state of Man, and therefore the State in which you are most likely to find solid Happiness. Your Reasons

Brian Sorgatzhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02243503053154933975brian423@gmail.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-17978422.post-26069954305434523752008-07-03T21:39:00.002-07:002008-07-06T07:11:59.308-07:00

Sex therapist Marty Klein has written articles for Playboy at least as far back as the late Eighties. His summation of his new book in this Reason.tv video makes it sound like something worth reading, doesn’t it?

Brian Sorgatzhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02243503053154933975brian423@gmail.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-17978422.post-947909608567720792008-06-27T10:22:00.001-07:002008-06-27T10:23:29.238-07:00

Tulsa strip club co-owner Lottie Selsor, June 2008 Employee of the Month U.S. Army contractor Dana Marie, July 2008 Employee of the Month Last year, I complained about contradictory or redundant “Coeds of the Month” for the magazine versus the Cyber Club. With gratitude, I notice that Playboy online and Playboy ondeadtree (the word is apparently Jonah Goldberg’s coinage) are now coordinated

Brian Sorgatzhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02243503053154933975brian423@gmail.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-17978422.post-43178305346950945782008-06-23T07:16:00.001-07:002008-06-23T07:18:37.553-07:00

Well, shit, piss, fuck, cunt, cocksucker, motherfucker and tits! George Carlin was one of the great transgressors of American comedy along with the likes of Lenny Bruce, Richard Pryor, and Sarah Silverman. I’ll miss him.

Brian Sorgatzhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02243503053154933975brian423@gmail.com