Site Meter Reflections on Playboy: I wish I could say I’ve been too busy masturbating to blog

May 23, 2009

I wish I could say I’ve been too busy masturbating to blog

I wish I could truthfully say that, but I can’t. I feel guilty about going 11 days without blogging, and a constant masturbation habit would be a less embarrassing reason for it than the actual reason. The act of self-love is more dignified than the activity robbing me of control of my time: obsessive raging over past humiliations out of post-traumatic stress.

At 37, I can’t find the wit or the willpower to stop fuming about what happened 20 to 25 years ago, when my prick father, my cunt mother, and the assholes of the public school system showed me what a worthless coward I could be in taking their abuse. The distraction of endless, helpless rumination on this makes me appear lazy. I have a nagging suspicion that Reason.com editor Nick Gillespie was talking about me when he titled one of his blog posts “Because It’s Been a While Since Any of My Lazy Colleagues Have Blogged And an Even Longer Time Since We Had Any Cheesecake Up at Hit & Run, Here’s Something About Miss Kalifornia’s Gay Marriage Stance....” (I have been known to respond to cheesecake at that blog.) The outspoken Gillespie was uncharacteristically coy when I emailed him about this:
My curiosity has been piqued by your mention of lazy colleagues who don’t post blogs. Katherine Mangu-Ward even mentioned this statement from you in her next H&R post after yours. Is there any gossip you would be willing to share with me about laziness among Reason contributors—or elsewhere? I just had to ask.
Kind regards,
Brian Sorgatz

Just a joke!
**************
Nick Gillespie
Luckily for me, an insult from Gillespie is almost as validating as an insult from Don Rickles. Still, I’m not happy with my reputation as a flake. As proud as I was to announce my return to sex surrogate therapy, I may be willing to run the risk of looking flaky again by switching to eye movement desensitization and reprocessing (EMDR), a controversial but promising method of overcoming post-traumatic stress, under the recommendation of the talk therapist who facilitates my sex surrogate therapy. If I can get good results from it before my money runs out, I won’t be totally fucked.

Update, August 18, 2009, 11:34 a.m.: After three new visits in May and June of this year, I ran out of money for surrogate therapy. EMDR workers have told me that it can’t do what I want it to do for me. The therapy method I need happens to be illegal.

Posted by Brian Sorgatz at 1:52 PM

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