Site Meter Reflections on Playboy: Donning my metaphysical cap and gown

March 25, 2009

Donning my metaphysical cap and gown

This course is a beginning, not an end. Your Friend [the Holy Spirit] goes with you. You are not alone. No one who calls on Him can call in vain. Whatever troubles you, be certain that He has the answer, and will gladly give it to you, if you simply turn to Him and ask it of Him. He will not withhold all answers that you need for anything that seems to trouble you. He knows the way to solve all problems, and resolve all doubts. His certainty is yours. You need but ask it of Him, and it will be given you.
—from the epilogue of the “Workbook for Students” of A Course in Miracles, revealed to Helen Schucman in the 1960s and ’70s.

Strike up the band. Have them play the “Graduation March” from Pomp and Circumstance. As promised, I’m doing the final lesson of the Workbook today. I have not been disappointed by the results of my studies, although I still burn with feelings of victimhood almost every day. My childhood and adolescence were lost to other people’s dreams of utopian social engineering. America’s despicable government-run school system robbed me of dignity, time, peace of mind, and the opportunity for social development on my own terms. I’m so warped as an adult that I’ve been kicked out of two apartments for vandalizing them and letting dust and garbage accumulate in them. I don’t know when or how I’ll find another permanent place to live. My own mother refuses to apologize for her part in the psychological war crimes that have so crippled me. I often dwell on fantasies of revenge.

Yet despite appearances, says A Course in Miracles, my past and present circumstances do not define me. The circumstances are illusion—maya, as the Hindus say. In reality, I am the holy Son of God Himself, needing only to grow in awareness of this fact to find peace. The Workbook has helped me make slow but certain increase in this awareness a part of everyday life. Last night, repetitive victim thoughts were keeping me awake. Suddenly, I felt emboldened to visualize my “Inner Teacher,” the Holy Spirit, as a beautiful, naked woman with fairy wings, essentially a life-size Tinkerbell for big boys. Doting on me, she gently ran her fingers across my arms and chest, which helped me remember the true measure of my worth. Whenever I can stop thinking of myself as a victim, I can stop being a victim. For this I am grateful beyond words.

Posted by Brian Sorgatz at 4:05 PM

  • Blogger Rachel C Miller left this comment at March 25, 2009 5:23 PM  
    well at least you didnt say you buy it for the great reading material. lol I found your blog in blog explosion thought I would check it out.

  • Blogger Brian Sorgatz left this comment at March 25, 2009 5:30 PM  
    If you don’t think I read the articles, you need to keep browsing this blog.

  • Anonymous Kimberly left this comment at April 20, 2009 3:04 PM  
    I've had friends and acquaintances go through ACIM and I don't know one person who felt it was a waste of time. It benefits everyone who comes in contact with it, even if only on the fringes.

    Congratulations on your completion! I hope it continues to effect your life in many positive ways.

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