Site Meter Reflections on Playboy: In Humboldt County, I’ll spread lies about my past; on the Internet, I’ll tell the truth

August 6, 2008

In Humboldt County, I’ll spread lies about my past; on the Internet, I’ll tell the truth

By necessity, I’ll be treating the past ten years of my life, my first ten years as a solitary apartment renter, as if they never happened while I search for a new apartment in a new community. In ten years, I’ve been kicked out of two residences for neglecting and abusing my own dwelling space. My mother and I agree on the need to cover up that history by claiming that I’ve lived with her all that time. Today, Mom will drive me to Humboldt County, where redwoods meet the ocean on California’s northern coast, so I can find a place to live other than her house. Although I enjoy pulling a little scam to set my life straight, I want to tell my beloved online friends the truth about where I’ve been in this life.

I was born April 23, 1972, in Sacramento, California. My only sibling, a sister, would be born in the same city almost three years later. Because of my father’s work for the state as a telecommunications technician, I had to move twice during my childhood. At seven, I moved from Sacramento to Indio, a small agricultural town in the desert outside Palm Springs. At fourteen, I moved to Ventura, a coastal city a short drive south of Santa Barbara.

As I grew up, I developed a passive-aggressive agenda of not growing up. Why should I risk the boredom of grownup life when it was so exciting to confound the expectations of Mr. and Mrs. Families Aren’t Democracies? At 22, I tagged along with my parents back to the northern part of the state, to the Sacramento suburb of Carmichael. In mid-1997, I watched with apathy as my parents filed for an amicable divorce. On the night of December 27, 1997, Dad was driving his car alone when he was hit from the side by an incompetently driven police car. Although he was reportedly lucid and communicative when the ambulance picked him up, my father died in the hospital the next morning. Even before his death, I had spent most of my adult life out of the labor market. After his death, I’ve been living off a legal settlement. In 1998, I moved to my own apartment in Sacramento. Barely over a year later, I had to move to my second apartment, also in Sacramento, which was very much downmarket from the first one. By sheer luck, my last day of being allowed to live there was almost the same day as my most recent visit to the Playboy Mansion in June of this year. Mom swore she wouldn’t let me crash at her place after that, but of course she did.

Although I enjoy pulling a little scam to set my life straight, I want to tell my beloved online friends the truth about where I’ve been in this life.

Update, August 9, 2008, 12:45 p.m.: Mom and I came back to Chico yesterday. I’ll have more to report later on the apartment hunt.

The awkward sequel to this post:
Taking my chances with the truth in Humboldt County

Posted by Brian Sorgatz at 5:37 AM

  • Blogger SHANTRA left this comment at August 6, 2008 8:46 AM  
    Brian, Why is it that you enjoy pulling this scam? Really. I am such a "good girl" at heart that even something seemingly minor like this would eat me up with anxiety. I truly wish I could understand the feeling of taking pleasure from this kind of thing.

  • Blogger Brian Sorgatz left this comment at August 9, 2008 9:04 AM  
    Shantra,
    For the sake of our friendship, I hope each of us can understand how hard the other may always be to understand. Another way to call yourself a “good girl” is to say that you can’t help basing your self-image on your empathy, benevolence, and authenticity. I, on the other hand, can’t help basing mine on skillful activity, boldness, and adaptability. To put this in Shakespearean terms, I’m a (relatively) amoral Falstaff while you’re a moralistic Hamlet. It’s easy to see why the kinds of things I’ve had to do lately would gratify someone like me more than someone like you, isn’t it? My impression of your husband is that he has the disposition of a typical scientist or engineer, whose self-image is based on ingenuity, willpower, and individual autonomy.

    If this is the case, I want us to have mutual appreciation of our differences. Winston Churchill and Mohandas Gandhi had differing personalities parallel to ours, and were also in political opposition. But we can surely come to a mutual understanding, even if they never did.

  • Blogger Brian Sorgatz left this comment at August 10, 2008 10:05 AM  
    I need to make a minor correction to my last comment. The proper order of your husband’s self-image concerns is ingenuity, individual autonomy, and willpower. In each set, the items are respectively the basis for self-esteem, self-respect, and self-confidence.

    This is all from the second edition of Please Understand Me. As you can tell, it has a permanent outpost in my head.

  • Blogger SHANTRA left this comment at August 16, 2008 1:12 PM  
    Well, I do understand that different personality types lead to vastly different reactions to varying situations. I guess I'm a bit envious; I wish I could take pleasure in getting away with little things instead of feeling anxious.

    • Post a Comment

    « Home

    Create a Link