Site Meter Reflections on Playboy: Guest essay: Admiration and despair, or how I read <i>Playboy</i>

July 27, 2006

Guest essay: Admiration and despair, or how I read Playboy

First, the story of how a woman named Jennifer came to write a guest post here on Brian’s blog: During the day I’ll often hang out at Reason’s Hit & Run and post snarky comments when things are slow at work. A few months ago they ran a truly hilarious subscription ad featuring a bikini model with a definite—how can I say this politely?—unmaintained look about her. One of Hit & Run’s other female commenters complained about having to look at the model every time she visited the site, and I responded as follows:
If you have to see a bikini model every time you go on to this site, would you rather see one of those impossibly beautiful airbrushed babes that most people think of when they consider the words “bikini model,” or a flat-chested chick with a bad dye job and a head that’s too big for her body?

When I read the articles in my friend’s issues of Playboy, the impossibly gorgeous models within make me feel a little bad about the way I myself look. [The bikini model] does not. So I have no problem with her presence here.
If you’re a regular reader you can probably figure out why Brian wanted to talk to me.

You know, ever since I outgrew my adolescent ugly phase I’ve never once felt insecure about my appearance in comparison to other women. Other real women, anyway. But drop me in a room full of airbrushed Playboy models and I become “not much to look at, but she’s got a great personality, really.” When my significant other and I first moved in together, he subscribed to the magazine, which I read every month. And I really did read it for the articles. I had no desire to look at the pictorials. Why torment myself with thoughts like, “I wish my skin tone were that smooth,” or, “How does she keep her hair from frizzing like that?” True confession time: Sometimes I’ll get a zit. Or have a bad hair day. I sweat when it’s hot, and on regular occasions I even have to use the bathroom. I’m not convinced Playboy models do any of these things.

So is this an introduction to a rant about how Playboy is bad for women? Not at all. The magazine supports a lot of causes I admire, and donates money to many fine women’s organizations. But even if their favorite charity were the He-Man Woman Haters Club, I still wouldn’t mind the existence of their fantasy babes. Because they’re fantasies. That’s the key word. And allow me, a woman, to let you guys in on a little secret: women’s fantasies about men are a lot more unrealistic than men’s fantasies about women.

Go to a secondhand bookstore and pick up one of those thick bodice-ripper “romance” novels. And don’t be fooled: these books do for women what Playboy does for men. Buy a book with a cover featuring a shirtless Fabio clone and a title like Passionelle’s Passionate Passion in raised metallic script.

Now read the book. I’ll wait here while you do.

Finished? Let’s compare:

What a woman must do to live up to the Playboy fantasy: have an exquisitely perfect face and body.

What a man must do to live up to the bodice-ripper fantasy: have an exquisitely perfect face and body and be an independently wealthy alpha-male genius with uncanny insight into the female mind and a supernatural ability to give a woman spontaneous multiple orgasms whenever he stands within six inches of her. (By the way, he’s at least seven.)

Gentlemen, when you admire your next Playboy pictorial, I want to sincerely thank you, on behalf of womankind, for only expecting us to live up to the standards of Miss December. And bless your hearts, most times you’ll even overlook that.

A related earlier post:
$50 for your guest essay

Posted by Brian Sorgatz at 11:57 AM

  • Blogger Brian Sorgatz left this comment at July 27, 2006 12:04 PM  
    I believe I can trust most women to enjoy the bodice-ripper fantasy without taking it literally. Can more women reciprocate that trust?

  • Blogger Ellie left this comment at July 30, 2006 10:20 AM  
    Consider it reciprocated.

    This is my first time (blush) here.

    I like it.

  • Blogger Brian Sorgatz left this comment at July 30, 2006 11:02 AM  
    Ellie,
    Thanks for reciprocating.

    I’m glad it was good for you (blush).

  • Anonymous Charles left this comment at July 30, 2006 6:00 PM  
    BlogMad hit. Love your "girl with the books" graphic. Very nice!

  • Blogger Jennifer left this comment at July 30, 2006 9:14 PM  
    When I linked to the essay on my own site a few commenters said that airbrushing wasn't important from a man's perspective anyway. So I'm even less concerned than before. Woo hoo!

    Still, though, if they had an all-text version of the magazine I'd likely buy it.

  • Blogger zhadi left this comment at August 18, 2006 9:49 AM  
    I bought my husband a subscription to Playboy back when we were dating. I never minded him reading it, even less when he started commenting that all of the Playmates looked like they were grown in the same cloning tank. Y'know, improbably busty, blonde, Barbie doll face.

    Anyway, I liked the comparison between Playboy and bodice rippers. Very insightful and very true! And I've found that most men, while they like looking at the fantasy, prefer their reality without silicone or saline implants.

  • Blogger Shantra Harmony left this comment at July 14, 2007 10:02 AM  
    This essay ROCKS! In particular, it reminds me of why I can't stand romance novels (or chick flicks, for that matter). If I had to choose between reading about some innocent virgin's unbearable but shameful excitement at the thought of Brock's throbbing manhood and reading Playboy, I'd choose the latter in a heartbeat.

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